Photojournal 080317-220317

my heart still aches
and i can't function for the briefest moments
but i'm getting better
i will be whole again sometime soon
and it's rly heartening how much better i am right now than 3 weeks ago
time rly does heal
and its nice to know that

lonely

It was great at the very start
Hands on each other
Couldn't stand to be far apart
Closer the better

Now we're picking fights
And slamming doors
Magnifying all our flaws
And I wonder why
Wonder what for
Why we keep coming back for more

Is it just our bodies?
Are we both losing our minds? Is the only reason you're holding me tonight
'Cause we're scared to be lonely?
Do we need somebody
Just to feel like we're alright?
Is the only reason you're holding me tonight
'Cause we're scared to be lonely?

Too much time, losing track of us
Where was the real?
Undefined, spiraling out of touch
Forgot how it feels

All the messed up fights
And slamming doors
Magnifying all our flaws
And I wonder why
Wonder what for
It's like we keep coming back for more

//


Walking down 29th and park
I saw you in another's arms
Only a month we've been apart
You look happier

Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah you look happier, you do

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal baby
If you're moving on with someone new

Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too
And until then I'll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

I'm helpless when I'm oceans away

I need to actively try to get out of this emotional blackhole I'm in now. I'm just so drained every day from things going wrong all the time. The blow ystd about archi and my career was just so hard to take and sent me down another spiral. Should stop shutting down on my friends and refusing to talk to them because I want to close up. Should try to be normal because fake it till I make it right? It's just that... trying to be how I usually was is just so tiring I don't have the energy to do that anymore and I don't even want to. It's just that... in my head... I know I should. But there's nothing much left in me that wants to try anymore and that's what worries me... Sorry for incoherent thoughts but I don't rly care anymore because no one reads here anymore